Of course, as a cabinet minister, I can’t be seen to be setting up any sort of business, but I have alerted my friend at the Chinese embassy Xi-Xi Poo and my old mucker Greaser up in Scunthorpe to the possibilities.
I envisage a kind of one-stop-shop for every kind of AI programme in any area – a kind of Alibaba of AI – which could become a Euro-rebranding operation if, as seems likely, things get nasty and measures are taken to prevent Chinese AI programmes coming into the European and US markets.
Xi-Xi has cleared the whole thing with the Chinese authorities – he and I (via Greaser) will share a generous commission on sales – and Xi-Xi is already in contact with a large number of developers in China who are all agog to know what sort of programmes could go down well in Europe.
I come up with a few things: forecasting football matches and horse races for the populace; share tipping for the City boys; forecasting for business people; physiognomy analysis for the internet dating community; analysing crime scenes for the police; materials research for the physicists; plant research for the chemists.
Then, just this morning, in Cabinet, the PM came out with: “I’ve just come off the phone with the President of the United States, and he wants us to lead cooperation in Europe to discourage any flood of cheap Chinese AI programmes which could affect the profitability of the US AI industry.”
Then, looking directly at me, he added: “I think this is one for you, Secretary of State.”
Absolutely, Prime Minister,” I reply, “consider me on the case.”
To be simultaneously both gamekeeper and poacher is to be in line to make a mountain of moolah
