‘I don’t know how you did it, and I don’t want to know,” said PM, “but the whole country will be grateful for your efforts.”
So my stock is pretty high around the cabinet table although it’s not exactly true that I had much to do with the tariff level. What happened was that, thanks to a pal in the US Department of. Commerce, I did find out, before it became public knowledge, what was the methodology to be used to calculate the tariffs.
It involved dividing a country’s trade surplus with the US by its total exports, using 2024 data from the US Census Bureau, and then halving it to get the tariff figure.
Once I knew that, I calculated the tariff and when, a month or so ago, the PM casually asked me what the rate would be I told him 10% straight out without any explanation and I think he must have assumed I had inside info. When the announcement came out confirming 10%, he got the idea, not discouraged by me, that I had influence with the US administration .
To the PM, anyone with influence with the US administration is a god-send and I have been given a slot on the negotiating team for the upcoming trade deal.
I have put it about that I am able to get exemptions for particular exporters and have already had some interesting personal offers from UK exporting companies.
My role as Mr Go-Between for UK-US trade should turn out to be a particularly lucrative one.
